Ugh, the difficulties of mental health stuff and public transit. Apparently my bus driver’s solution to a somewhat upset passenger was to taunt the woman, calling her “crazy” on the intercom and threatening with the use of the cops…ugh. Aparently some folks were very afraid of her and were worried and I’m like….ugh…it is so complicated, so multi-layered. But that bus driver was still an insufferable cruel asshole who was just teasing, berating and mocking that woman who was clearly in some distress. Shameful. I don’t know what was going on with her, she was upset and ranting and praying and speaking hymns very very loudly and I can see why folks would be feeling unsafe, but at the same time….ugh…such a mess. But that guy was a butthole. I don’t know what the best course of action would have been, I’m still unsure. But treating her like garbage WAS NOT IT.
So, I’m sorry I’ve not been around, writing or doing anything, I’ve had a sort of life crisis begin to emerge this month, and it’s sort of spiraling out of control. I’m in Seattle, I’ve been working a lot, and I’ve been desperately looking for housing, but I have yet to find anything. And the end of the month is approaching. FAST. I’ve never felt so out of control and I start a training class next week on top of everything. So I want to be connected, but it is easier not to be right now.
Lots of folks here in Seattle are into Horoscopes and astrological signs to various levels and it has been starting to drive me up a wall. I hate astrology in the same way I dislike psychoanalysis; they both separate me from my choices and the way I am. The second a person asks me what sign I am, particularly if I just said something and they are responding to it, I have to try my hardest to suppress a huge sigh. Because what it means to me is that they are either looking for the REASON I said something, or think some way, and think my relationship with the stars could illuminate something further, or that they are looking to categorize me and sort of decide HOW I am.
A guy online once mentioned that he really only dated Capricorns, and that for him to like a Pisces was really odd, cause most Pisces were whores and users and are just looking to get taken care of. So when I said that I thought that was pretty sex negative and that folks figure out how to make it and that’s not an inherently bad thing to exchange sex for services. And he just said, “I was right about Pisces”.
And this is the shit that makes me fucking pissed, using signs as a determining factor and then using it to develop a moralistic code of bullshit. (Btw, if you don’t like sluts, I don’t want to fuck you, cause you don’t deserve us. Cause you are too likely to re frame everyone you sleep with as sluts if they don’t do what you want.)
If your Sign and identity are tied together and it is deeply important to you, thats okay, I don’t care how you decide to identify yourself as long as you are happy. But if anyone starts to try to use any framework other than my own to try to write over me and TELL me HOW I am, I’m gonna get mad at you.
Anonymous asked: Are you dealing with an STD?
No, not currently. The thing is with anxiety, I don’t need to have to have the thing to not been a total wreck over a thing. I have sex, sometimes I’m not as safe as I should be or something goes wrong or whatever and I get caught up in the anxiety that happens when you think you have something. Self blame, loneliness, shame, embarrassment, and fear for physical well being is high! I’m a pretty low risk for most STDs, but as a queer male identified person, HIV is not ever far from my mind. It just sits in there. We’ve been taught so much that we are at risk of it that it is so hard that we have ostracized HIV positive folks from us. If anything needs a queer refraining and radical dismantling it’s the way we act towards HIV and other STDs. Because even herpes (while embarrassing and pain full is generally a non-issue) is spoken about with whispers and blame.